How to grow a moustache out of a book

As woman it’s kind of hard to grow a moustache. At least for most of us I guess. And if we would really try to - I bet you could grow one by starting shaving today - there is no way back. So I would like to propose a better way for all you girls out there who would like to have the experience of growing a moustache without permanently messing up your soft little faces. Instead of using your face as fertile soil for a hairy moustache, take a book! With a few garden cress seeds and a little imagination, you will have a moustache in no time. Here is how :)
      Find an old book that you don’t mind damaging and aren’t planning on reading again. I chose an old book that belonged to my grandfather, because I liked the color of the cover. Put plastic foil around the cover, together with the first page, which you plan to have on top. I did this for the back cover, because this side was blank and didn’t have any typography on it. Glue the pages together by applying glue on the sides of the pages with a brush. I used wallpaper glue, because I still had some and figured it would do the job. I have read that using normal white craft glue together with water does the trick as well. Let the book dry with a heavy object on top. The plastic will prevent the cover from sticking to the rest of the pages. Draw the shape of a moustache on a piece of paper and cut it out. To make the moustache shape symmetrical, you could fold a piece of paper in half and only draw one half while cutting out two layers at once. Make sure that the piece of paper fits the size of the book, so your moustache won’t be abnormally large or small. Use the paper moustache to draw the shape on the first page of the book (or last in my case). This line will serve as your cutting reference. Follow the line to cut through the layers of paper. I highly recommend using a sharp X-acto knife. The one I used wasn’t that sharp anymore and made the process way more difficult than if I just had used a proper one. Also, be prepared to practice a little patience during this part of the process. It is the most time consuming part. Go on until you reached a desirable depth (in my case about two third of the thickness of the book). Flip back the first page of the book and use its hole as a reference to copy the shape of the moustache to the book cover. Cut a moustache out of the cover as well. If necessary, you could sand the hole you created with sanding paper to make it smoother. If you used a sharp knife this step is probably not needed. Apply a layer of glue to the inside of the moustache, as well as a new layer of glue to the outside of the book. In my case some of the pages had gotten loose from the cutting process. This time no plastic foil is needed because it’s OK if the cover sticks to the rest of the pages. You will plant garden cress in your book. Garden cress needs very little to grow. Usually water, sunlight, and the simple surface of cotton wool pads will do the trick. Cut the pads in the shape of your moustache and make sure the whole bottom surface is covered. Put the garden cress seeds on the cotton wool and sprinkle a little water over them. From here it is just a matter of watching them grow in the course of a couple of days. Place them somewhere sunny and give them water every day.