Letter to myself

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Dear me,

I know you are going to treat this letter with sarcasm and mockery. That’s OK. Just please read it carefully before you do. Because the thing is, sometimes we already have the answers within us, we are just too busy asking everyone else in this world except ourselves. I am here to give you your answers. 

You have always asked a lot of questions, ever since you were a small child. And you always have been frustrated with not getting the answers to them immediately. You haven’t changed one bit in that aspect over the last two decades. So I get where you are coming from. I understand that your recent position in life of having so many unanswered questions must be terrifying to you. But please, don’t feel sad for not knowing all the answers to your burning questions yet. Be excited that there are still so many surprises in life to be unfolded, so many undiscovered paths to take that will help you grow into a stronger and more beautiful person. At this moment in time, you can basically take any path you wish. And that in itself is an amazing opportunity. There will come a time in life when you look back on this period and wish you had all the freedom and time you still have in this moment. Enjoy it, as long as it lasts.

You think that as long as you make lists and stick to them you will work out a magic formula that gives you all the answers. And yes, there might be some sense in taking actions, making goals and moving forward. Don’t stop doing that, I can see it is helping you. But don’t let it distract you from what is important. Don’t let the more obvious actions stop you from discovering your real dreams. Don’t let the lists hide the fact that you are afraid. Because it is OK to be. It is OK to be vulnerable, to not have the answers, and to not know it all just yet. And nobody expects that from you. Not even me. Well, ok, maybe I do at times but I try not to. Because nobody asks you to be perfect. Or expects you to find your dream job in the next month.

So let it go. Seriously, try to let go. I know it is hard, and it might seem easier to take control over every aspect than admitting you are clueless. But you need to accept that there are certain things in life that you can’t control and can’t know yet. Not entirely anyway. Letting go will give you such freedom. Don’t wait.

You will be OK. Trust me, I know. And I know that you can’t see that yet, or rather can’t see in what form, but you will be fine. The places you’ll work aren’t going to affect your happiness to the extent you expect. Your future job is not going to dictate your happiness. Not if you don’t let it. So don’t give it such a hypothetical power. Because in the end it doesn’t really matter if you get that job at the coffee bar, write for a living or start your own company. You will find that you will be able to find joy in whatever it is you do. Because it isn’t so much in the external circumstances that you seem to find so important. It is in the belief that you can shine and make a difference in whatever it is you will do. Especially in the places you think you would rather die than work. Although I can see why you would want to avoid those.

So although I do encourage you to search for a way to use your talents, creativity, playfulness and joy for life to the very best you can, it’s never going to be perfect. I do really believe that there is something out there for you that meets your needs. Either existing or created by yourself. Just don’t limit yourself by your own high standard.

I love you. I know I don’t say that too often and perhaps I should, but I do. I love that you are passionate and creative and that you want to change the world and that you have big dreams. But you should also know that dreams mean nothing, if all you ever do is dream. So dare to dream big, but remain humble in what you can achieve by the limitation in talent, resources and especially the time you have got in this life. Know that I won’t love you less if you don’t achieve your big plans and hopes. I would rather see you content with who you are, than seeing you struggle with an image of yourself you can never meet. It would be a pity if you would let your fear for the future hold you back from being content with where you are in life right now and enjoying that place wholeheartedly. I hope you find contentment and peace and use that peace as a starting point to share your joy with others. Perhaps in more subtle ways than you initially anticipated.

If you forget everything I wrote, then just remember this: I love you, just the way you are, with all your flaws and insecurities and questions and dreams and hopes and fears. You will be fine. You always have found your way, now is no exception.

Love,

Me